


网中迷梦/Dream in Web

by QAQ



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Anal Sex, Body Horror, Gay Sex, Horror, M/M, Oral Sex, Out of Character, Psychological Horror, Public Sex, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 09:06:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11779893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QAQ/pseuds/QAQ
Summary: wow this one is quite long so it took me a while to write in both Chinese and English. The last one "I'm Your Cryptids" is actually happened in the middle of the story before Robert woke up in the grave watcher's cabin (if you still remember that Joseph made Robert to go to the cemetery at the end I'm Your Cryptids). I tried really hard to bring more the original settings that in the game to this one, so it turned into something like Inception the movie have a baby with The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby and the baby was delivered by Mr.Allen Poe (lmao). I didn't write anything with horror scene before so it might not be that frightened to you. I just wanted to throw everything that I pictured for the time that when Robert suffered the cult ending like the avatar. I know there are bugs in the story line, please forgive me about that, because I really don't know how to put them together in a better way lol. And this is the last fanwork I did for this game and Roseph. Love them~这篇真的好长搞了好久（捂脸）。上一篇实际上是插在Robert从墓地小屋醒来之前的部分。从来没写过恐怖情节，已被榨干，如果觉得不恐怖也请见谅，只是想为了情节服务。暴力描写确实比较详细......毕竟cult嘛。游戏里Joseph能控制梦境这一点给了我很大空间来将时间概念模糊掉。有车，不多。中间有爱伦坡先生的《乌鸦》的neta哈哈哈。还受了逃生2剧情的启发。因为个人猜想Joseph及他的孩子们是被恶魔附身的。对关于dream daddy的同人这一篇就是我的最后一篇了，接受我最后的波纹吧！





	网中迷梦/Dream in Web

Robert忘了与Joseph初次见面是在什么时候了：可能是在公园，也可能是咖啡馆，但最有可能是在那家酒吧。他的妻子去世了，他的女儿也走了，而孤苦伶仃的老Robert在搬来这个有点怪异但还算舒适的社区的第一天晚上四处闲逛，看到这家尚只有一半招牌在闪着霓虹光的酒吧。他也问过那家店里的酒保是Jim还是Kim，就像每一个第一次来到这家店的客人们一样，但那时候酒保还是个叫José的墨西哥小伙子，而老板Neil正在跟电器公司抱怨自己店里的灯光问题。当Robert喝到第三杯龙舌兰配柠檬的时候，一个声音自他身后响起。

Robert didn’t remember when exactly was his first meet with Joseph, maybe in a park, a café, but it most liked in that bar. After his wife’s death and his daughter’s left, the old poor Robert wondered in this new neighborhood, in the first night he moved in. He saw this bar with glowing neon light sign. He asked the bar tender in there, too, about whether he was Jim or Kim, like every rookie; however, back that time, the bar tender was a Mexican guy who named José; and the owner Neil, who was complaining about the light problem in his place, with his phone. When Robert was having the third Tequila with lime, a voice sounded behind him.

“我能坐在这吗？”

“May I join in you?”

Robert不耐烦地挥手，表示默许，但他心里想的是将杯里的东西一口气喝光，然后走人。

Robert waved his hand to show his permission, without patience. What he was thinking was finishing everything left in his glass by one shot, then turned and left.

“你一定是新来的邻居。我叫Joseph Christiansen，就住在你家隔壁。“

“You must be my new neighbor! Hi, I’m Joseph Christiansen. My house is next to yours.”

听上去这个男人想握手。Robert仰头将酒喝完，咳了一声，扭头想走，但被拉住了。

It sounded like that this pal wanted a hand-shaking. Robert finished his drink, coughed, and tried to leave. Then he was dragged by that man.

“你有什么毛病？“Robert挥开胳膊，看着这个一头金发满脸清爽的人，暗地里抱怨自己今天忘记带小刀，以及他们如果发生冲突，自己要揍这个人多少拳能让他进医院。

“Whatta hell is wrong with you, huh?” Robert got his arm loosed, and watched his blonde guy with a clear looking on his face, wondering how many punches can send this guy to the hospital if they had an argument. Shit he forgot his knife.

“嘿，我只是想打个招呼，“Joseph将双手举在空中，一脸歉意，”如果冒犯到你了，我很抱歉。“他的脸因为他穿的粉红衬衫显得更加白皙，在酒吧昏暗的灯光下看着像张纸片。

“Wow, wow, hey, just want to say hi,” Joseph put both his hands in the air and looked sorry, “my apology, for any offences.” Joseph’s face looked paler because of his pink shirt; pale as a piece of paper in this dimly-lit room.

Robert不想惹什么麻烦，这毕竟是他搬新家的第一天。他哼了一声，对酒保José说最后一杯龙舌兰的钱由那边坐着的那个粉红衣服的蠢货买单，然后他付了前两杯的酒钱，转身出门，朝自己家走去。但还没走出两步，就听到身后传来慌乱的脚步声，那个蠢货居然跟了过来。

Robert didn’t want to get into any trouble in the first day of his moving. He gave a snort, told Jose the bar tender to get the money for his last Tequila from that pink-shirt-dick-head. Then he paid for his first two drinks, and got out of the door, heading to his house. But some panic steps behind him showed that idiot actually followed him.

“抱歉，我不是有意的。我只是想告诉你这个社区刚刚建成，还有一些跟你一样搬来的新人。我和我的家人打算在这个周六举行一个家庭烧烤派对，我想邀请你参加。“男人啰啰嗦嗦地跟着Robert，但不管Robert的脚步有多么快，那个男人似乎都能轻松地跟上他，同时还能不喘大气地啰嗦一大堆。

“Sorry, nothing serious, just want to let you know that this community is new, so there are some of the fresh men like you. Annnnnd me and my family want to throw a BBQ party this Saturday. Wish you can join in us.” The man followed Robert, wordy. But no matter how fast Robert made himself go, that guy seemed can reach him so easily.

Robert站在自家门前，猛地转过身来，说：“听着Joseph——或者别的什么——听着，我讨厌家庭，讨厌烧烤，讨厌派对，所以我不会参加你的家庭烧烤派对，而且我不喜欢你。你听明白了吗？“Robert用手指在男人胸前的空气里狠狠戳了几下，然后将两手抱在胸前，眉头紧锁，看着他。

Robert stood in front of his house, turned to Joseph immediately: “Listen, Joseph, or anything else, listen, I hate family, I hate barbecue, and I hate partied, so, I’m not gonna join in your family barbecue party. And the most important thing is, I do not like you. You understand what I’m saying?” Robert poked dreadfully in the air above Joseph’s face, then held both his arms across his chest, looked at him with angry eyes.

“好吧好吧。但我还是希望你能改变主意。“男人看上去并没有觉得自己被冒犯。他的脸上依旧是那样略有歉意但又似乎丝毫没有歉意的微笑，然后朝Robert眨了眨眼。Robert对他的行为回应了一个白眼：”当然，也许我会改变主意。“我永远不会改主意，Robert心里想。

“Right. Well, hope you change your idea that time anyway.” The man looked like he was not be offended at all. He was still smiling which made him looked like he was sorry and he wasn’t that sorry at the same time. And he winked to Robert, who rolled his eyes in return. “Yeah, sure, maybe.” _I will never change my mind_ , Robert said in his mind .

“嘿我还不知道怎么称呼你？“男人问Robert。Robert四下看了看，然后踹了一脚身边写着自己名字的立牌。

“I still don’t know your name, Mr.?”

Robert kicked a standing sign next to him which had his name on it.

“啊没错，Robert Small先生。很高兴跟你做邻居。“男人眯着眼看了看立牌，然后伸出手想做一个告别握手。

The man squinted his eyes to see the sign. “Ah yes, Mr. Robert Small. Well then, I'm honored to be your neighbor.” He wanted a shaking, again, for goodbye.

“我不高兴。“Robert没有理他，而是进了自己家，然后用力地将门甩上。”好吧Robert，祝你晚安！“男人用大声祝福回应他的摔门声。

“I’m not.” Robert ignored his hand and walked into his house, slapped the door.

“Alright Robert, have a good evening.” The man blessed him loudly.

真是个傻逼，Robert心想，然后抄起客厅地板上的酒瓶，直接对嘴喝了起来。酒是目前他唯一拆开的东西，而衣服家具杂物还在它们各自的纸箱里，乱七八糟地堆在地板上。等Robert喝到眼前有重影的时候他才想起来，那个宜家买来的床是要自己拼装的。但他现在什么都不想做。他躺在床垫上，将自己的夹克盖在身上。夜晚有些凉，Robert将身体缩成一团，像胎儿在妈妈子宫里的样子似的。

 _What a asshole_. Robert picked the wine bottle on the floor, drank directly from there. The alcohol was the only thing he unpacked yet, and the other things such like his clothes, furniture and some other stuffs were still laying in their boxes, piled causally in everywhere. Robert remembered them later, but he was too drunk to do anything. He laid on the bare mattress, put his jacket on the top of him. The night was not that warm. Robert curled his body, like fetus in their moms’ wombs.

Robert忘了自己是怎么睡着的，又是怎么醒的，也忘了自己正踩着的那摊呕吐物是自己的杰作。他骂了两句，用卫生纸将那摊臭烘烘的液固态混合物裹起来丢进马桶，然后看着那堆纸巾打着旋地被冲进下水道。但客厅里依旧弥漫着让他头痛欲裂的臭味。他打开所有的窗子，没有理会站在街道上朝他挥手的Joseph，而是又从酒箱里抽出一瓶红葡萄酒，打开后灌了一口，仰起头咕噜咕噜漱了一下口，然后将那口酒吐进厨房的水池里。还没等他再喝一口，门铃响了。

Robert forgot how he fell asleep then how he woke up. He also forgot the vomitus he’s standing on was also his piece of work. He swore, used some tissues to cover those mixture with both liquid and solid in there, then flushed all of them into the toilet. But the living room was still filled with that stinky smell which got him a really bad headache. He opened every windows in this house, ignored Joseph who was standing on the street and weaving to him, then found another bottle of wine, opened it, washed his mouth with some wine and spitted those wine into the drain in the kitchen. Before he did another mouth-washing, the doorbell ringed.

“我对天发誓，Christiansen先生，如果你再敢来骚扰我……”Robert怒气冲冲地开了门，但话还没骂完，就发现门外站的并不是那个穿粉衬衫的，而是一个女人，浅棕色的头发，穿着毛线衫跟半身裙，颧骨很高。她看起来很疲惫，但笑得很友好。

“I swear to god, Mr. Christiansen, if you dare to come again...” Robert opened his door with rage, but before he finished his sentences, he found the person stood there wasn’t that pinky-shirt, but a woman, high cheekbones, light brown hair, in a sweater and a skirt. She looked tired, but smiled friendly.

“波尔多。好选择。至少你喝的不是啤酒。”女人抱着一边胳膊，冲Robert稍微歪了歪头。Robert不讨厌她。

“Claret. Good choice. At least you’re not drinking a beer.” The women tilted, held one of her arms with another hand. Robert didn’t hate her.

“有什么能帮您的吗，女士？”Robert问。

“Is there anything I can help, Ma’am?” Robert asked.

“不是什么大事。我丈夫坚持让我来打个招呼。虽然我真的很不想来，”女人耸耸肩，“顺便说一下，我叫Mary，Mary Christiansen。你跟我丈夫应该见过面了，对吧？”

“Oh, not a big deal. It’s just my husband, you know, to let me say hi or whatever. But I really don’t wanna come,” the woman shrugged, “by the way, I’m Mary, Mary Christiansen. You and my husband had already met, hadn’t you?”

Robert喜欢她。

Robert liked her.

“你想一起来喝一杯吗？”Robert举起酒瓶朝Mary晃了晃。

“Wanna have a drink together?” Robert shook his wine bottle to Mary.

Mary摊手，脸上露出微笑：“如果你这里有更好的酒的话。”

Mary threw her hands, smiled: “If you have anything better than this.”

Robert将她迎进门，但就在他关上门的那一刻他才想起来他那泛着腐臭怪味的客厅。他担心地瞧向Mary，但她看起来似乎一点都不在意。Robert从其他箱子里翻出两只包着报纸的高脚杯，洗刷干净。

Robert let Mary into the house, but the moment he closed the door he realized his stinky living room. He glanced at Mary with a little worry. She seemed fine. Robert found two wine glasses that covered with newspaper, and made them clean again. 

“红葡萄酒？白葡萄酒？还是更烈一些的？”Robert在厨房问。但是Mary的回应是：“我觉得今天不是个好时候。也许我们可以下次再说。”

“You want the red or the white? I got something stronger if you like.” Robert asked. But Mary replied: “You know, I don’t think today is actually a good day for this. Maybe other day.”

“你要走了？”Robert手上擦着酒杯，脚下走出去，看到Mary已经站在门口准备离开。

“You leaving?” Robert dried one glass while he was walking out of the kitchen, and found that Mary was already ready to leave.

“真的，不是个好时候，Robert。下次见。”Mary说着离去了。

“Yeah. Really. Not a good time. See you around Robert.” She left.

“好吧。“Robert看着她关上门。但没过一会儿门又被敲响了。他去开门，这次是个推销旅行牙刷套装的推销员。Robert轰走了他。一直到凌晨3点他出门去，门铃再也没有被按响过。

“Alright.” Robert watched the door closed. Later, a salesman ringed the bell to sale Robert his teeth-cleaning travel suit, and he was thrown out by Robert. Until Robert went out three in the morning, no one came to him ever.

Robert走在寂静的街道上。这片街区安静极了，Robert似乎都能听到自己的心跳声。他找到一家24小时营业的快餐店，买了个汉堡套餐——这是Robert这几天来吃的第一餐正常的饭，但你要忽略他的吃饭时间——坐在一个建筑工地旁边的长椅上吃了起来。听说他们要在这里建一个公园，工程正实施到一半，夜幕中那些钢铁骨架弯成各异的形状，看起来似乎比黑夜还要黑，所以Robert能看到它们。他皱着眉头啃完了那个牛肉汉堡，心里希望里面的腌黄瓜能换成腌墨西哥辣椒，然后喝干了他的奶昔。

Robert walked in the silent night. The block was so quiet, that Robert could even hear his own heartbeat. He got himself a burger meal in a 24/7 restaurant. This was the first real meal that Robert had these days (just ignore his meal time). Robert sat on a bench which next to a construction site. They said they were building a park here, now it’s in the middle of the project. Those steel structures bent into some strange positions, darker than the night, that’s why Robert could see them. Robert finished his beef burger, which in there he hoped were pickled jalapenos instead of cucumbers. Then he drained his milkshake.

Robert打了个嗝。他现在感觉好多了。

Robert burped. Now he’s feeling better.

“你以为你是个聪明的家伙吗？“

“You think you’re smart guy huh?”

那是什么？谁在说话？Robert坐直了，仔细听着从不远处传来的对话，不太友好的单方面对话。

 _What was that? Who’s talking?_ Robert sat straightly, and heard that conversation carefully. That’s an unfriendly, one-side conversation.

“别耍小聪明，先生，把手放在我们看得到的地方，然后慢慢地把身上所有值钱的东西扔在地上。再说一遍，聪明先生，别动歪脑筋，除非你想在身上多一个洞。“

“Put your hands in where we can see them! And don’t try to play with us, Mr. Smartasshole! Put everything worthy on the ground! Slowly! Or you gonna get one more hole on you!.”

运气真“好“，Robert心想。他想掏出手机报警，但他除了刚刚找的零钱以外只摸到了自己的匕首。好吧，匕首，我们去碰碰运气。Robert想。他悄悄走近声音的源头，第一个看到的就是那个眼熟的金发脑袋。老天，Joseph，怎么哪里都有你，Robert感觉身体里的血热得发烫，在他全身的血管里横冲直撞，让他的太阳穴突突地疼。那两个劫匪此刻正背对着自己，但奇怪的是Robert无法看清这两个人的各种细节，只感觉像是两团人形的东西。该死，要是再亮一点就好了，Robert放弃了观察，思考怎么搭救倒霉鬼Joseph。

 _Godanme lucky me._ Robert tried to reach his phone, but what in his pockets were only some change from that restaurant, and his knife. _Okay knife, let’s roll our dice on this._ He reached to where the sounds came from, quietly. What he saw the first thing was Joseph’s blonde bloody hair. _For lord’s sake, why you are everywhere!_ The blood in Robert’s body went hot, and crashed his veins. His nerves pained. That two robbers were turning their backs to him, and the strange thing was that Robert couldn’t tell any details about these two guys. They just looked human-like to him. _Do wish there is any fucking light here._ Robert gave up his observation, and tried to make a rescue plan there.

“我真的没有带任何东西，伙计们，我只是个神父，我家里还有怀孕的妻子跟三个孩子。放了我，主会饶恕你们的。”看样子是Joseph在说话。这个蠢货。

“I AM WITHOUT ANYTHING! I PORMISE! Dude please, I’m just a priest with a pregnant wife and three young kids! Let me go and the lord will forget you!” Joseph was talking. _What a idiot!_

Robert坐不住了，他听到劫匪扳动安全栓的声音了！他朝没持枪的那个绑匪掷出了匕首，听到了一声惨叫。然后他冲出去按倒了持枪了那个。但那个人超乎想象地强壮。他掀开压在他身上的Robert，拔出他同伴腿上的匕首，飞快地跑开了。他简直不是人，他在扛着受伤同伴的同时还能跑那么快！Robert追了上去，但他们之间的距离越来越大。当经过公园的人工湖时，Robert感觉他的裤子被什么勾了一下，然后他跌进了湖水之中。

Before the plan came out, Robert heard the click of the safety cock! There was no time for thinking anymore! Robert tossed the knife to the one who without the gun. A screaming. Then he rushed to the other one and crashed that guy in the dirt. This is was stronger than Robert pictured; he flipped Robert who was on his body, pulled the knife out from the screamer’s leg, held that guy on his shoulder and ran! That guy ran so fast that Robert couldn’t reach them, and the gap was keeping increasing. When they passed the artificial lake in this park, something hooked on the bottom of Robert’s jeans. He failed, right into the water.

水很凉。水一股一股地涌进Robert的喉咙跟鼻腔，让那里火辣辣地疼。他奋力挣扎着，但是身体就是不听使唤地向下沉。Robert想到了Val，她在黑暗中闪闪发光。Robert朝那光亮处游去，然后抓住了一只温暖的手。那只手那么有力，将他拉到坚硬的陆地上。

The water felt icy, and it kept pumping in Robert’s nose and throat. It was hurt, like fire burning there. Robert struggled hardly, but his body just won’t go up. Val was in Robert’s mind. She was glorying in the darkness. Robert swam to the light; he reached a hand, which was so warm and tough. He was dragged to the land.

“Robert！你还好吗？Robert？”

“Robert! Jesus, are you alright? Can you hear me, Robert?”

Robert的嗓子刺刺地，说不出话，只是不停的咳嗽。他一直抓着那只手。一直到他睁开眼睛，Val的样子被Joseph的脸代替了。

Robert couldn’t talk; his throat felt pricking. He coughed a lot. He held that hand all the time, until he could open his eyes; there wasn’t Val, instead of Joseph’s face.

“我靠。”Robert用胳膊挡住自己的脸。他还在不停咳嗽。真是丢脸极了，他想。

“Shit.” Robert covered his face with his arm. He was still coughing. _This is just embarrassed._

Joseph叹了一大口气，跌坐在Robert身旁，喘着粗气。看样子刚刚Robert追劫匪时他也跟了过来。“我真高兴你没事，Robert。我真高兴。”Joseph在Robert的胸膛上拍了拍，被Robert一巴掌甩开了。

Joseph sighed and flopped down next to Robert, gasped heavily. He followed Robert and those robbers. “I’m so glad that you’re okay, Robert.” Joseph rubbed on Robert’s chest. And Robert made his hand leave with a slap.

Robert将最后一口水吐到地上，然后用胳膊撑着坐起来。他大口大口地呼吸着。空气是那么干燥、热辣又甜美。他感到口渴了。Robert用胳膊肘顶了顶身边的Joseph：“要不要去喝一杯？”

Robert held himself to sit up with his arms. He spited the last bit of water in his mouth. And he breathed; like he was opening every pore on his skin. He breathed. The air tasted dry, chili and sweet. Now he’s thirsty. He poked Joseph with his elbow: “You wanna grab a drink together?”

Joseph转过头来看着他，那双蓝眼睛在远处衍射来的灯光下泛着水波。他温柔地朝Robert笑了：“我很乐意。去Jim&Kim’s？“

Joseph turned his head and looked at Robert; his blue eyes rippled by the lights on the other side of the lake, which was like far far away. He laughed gently, and said: “My pleasure. Jim & Kim’s?”

“无所谓。“Robert站起来，踉跄了一下，然后咳出了一口痰。Joseph跟着站起来。他们一路走到酒吧，正要进门，Joseph拦住Robert，然后将身上套着的天蓝色针织衫脱下来递给Robert：”注意仪容。“Robert翻了个白眼，将身上那件湿漉漉的外套跟t恤脱下来，露出自己古铜的皮肤，然后套上了Joseph的针织衫。Joseph看起来憋着笑，Robert瞪了他一眼：”你敢说一个字！“Joseph才不笑了，推开门跟Neil打招呼。

“Whatever that is.” Robert stood up, with a stagger. And he coughed up phlegm. Joseph stood up next. They walked to the bar. Before they went in there, Joseph stopped Robert, and gave Robert his sky-blue-colored knitwear. “Proper dress.” Robert rolled his eyes to Joseph’s words. He got away his soaked wet coat and t-shirt—his bronze color body exposed in the night wind—and wore Joseph’s knitwear on. It seemed that Joseph was holding his laugh so hard. Robert stared at him, and said: “If you dare to say anything!” Then Joseph stopped. He walked in the bar and say hello to Neil.

Robert的出场让原本热烈的现场氛围变得有些尴尬。有些坐在远处的人干咳了几声。这不能怪他们，你知道的，Robert的牛仔裤跟鞋子湿透了，每走一步就会在身后留一个水印，发出沉重的啪嗒声，像个巨怪走进来了似的；而他的上身穿着不搭调的干燥针织衫，活像个圣诞节被强迫穿奶奶编织的红绿色麋鹿毛衣的小孩。有些人朝Robert的胸肌跟屁股吹了几声口哨；Robert对他们来说是这里可口的生面孔，而他看起来又是酷神父Joseph的朋友，所以这样调戏的举动并没有持续多久，而是回归了原本各自的谈话中。

The present of Robert brought the sudden silence in there. Some people coughed a bit. They couldn’t be blamed. You know that, Robert’s jeans and shoes were also totally wet, each step of him left a big water mark behind him, pattering loudly like a troll; and he wore a totally dry top which didn’t match his bottom, which made Robert looked like a kid who was forced to wear the Christmas sweater that knitted by his grandma, and the sweater was in red and green and with elks pattern. Some people whistled to Robert’s chest muscle and hip; Robert was new to them. But they also could tell he was a friend of beloved cool priest Joseph, so the whistling didn’t last for long. People were back to their own chatting again.

“可能的话，我希望你能站着，湿裤子的。我刚买的真皮面的高脚凳。“Neil在吧台后面擦着酒杯酒瓶，可他看起来根本就不在乎他的凳子们。

“If there is any possible, Wetpants, I hope you can just stand. I just got these stools with real leather on the top.” Neil cleaned all the glassed behind the bar. He didn’t seem to have any concern about those stools.

“拜托Neil，Robert今天见义勇为救了我一命呢！你舍得让我们的英雄站着喝酒吗？“Joseph斜靠在一旁，朝Robert眨了下眼。”闭嘴吧Joseph。“Robert感觉脸有点热。老天，也许这就是他从来没穿过毛衣针织衫这类东西的原因吧。

“Oh Neil, please! Robert saved my ass today and you’re just let my hero stand to drink?” Joseph leaned on the bar, winked to Robert. “Will you shut up Joseph.” Robert felt his face was warm. God, maybe that’s the reason he never wore any sweater or knitwear before.

“现在我对你们的故事有兴趣了。请坐，Robert先生。我能给你们两位先生来点什么呢？“Neil的眼皮依旧耷拉着，根本看不出跟刚才到底有什么区别。

“Now I’m getting interesting to this. Sit please, Mr. Robert, sit. What can I get for you two gentlemen tonight? Even though Neil said so, but his eyelids still slouched. Robert really didn’t think that’s an interested-to-something look.

“威士忌。给这位……“Robert楞了一下。他想起来之前Joseph对那两个强盗说自己是神父。他看向Joseph。Joseph感到了Robert的目光，立刻接上话：”老样子，Neil。给我老样子就好。“

“Whisky for me. And…” Robert confounded a moment; he remembered the Joseph told those two robbers that he was a priest. He looked to Joseph, and Joseph suddenly knew: “Just serve me in the old way please, Neil.”

“马上就来，先生们。“Neil说着，在吧台后面忙碌起来。很快，Robert拿到了他的威士忌，而Joseph拿到了他的”老样子“。

“Right away, sir.” Not for long, Robert got his whisky, and Joseph got his “the old way”,

“你喝的是什么？“Robert小品了一口自己杯中的液体，身体立刻暖和了起来。

“What’s that?” Robert asked. Just one sip from his glass, Robert felt his body warm again, totally, not only his face anymore.

“玛格丽塔。无酒精的。想干杯吗？“Joseph微微举起了他的玛格丽特杯，稍显浑浊酒液在灯光下晃动着，让Robert想起了Joseph捞他上来时他看到的那对眼睛。

“Margarita. Non-alcoholic. Cheers?” Joseph toasted his margarita glass, the thick liquid shaking under the light, which reminded Robert of Joseph’s eyes.

“为什么干杯？“Robert将自己的酒杯凑过去，轻轻在Joseph的杯沿上碰了一下。一声清脆。

“Cheers for what?” Robert moves his glass, clicked on Joseph’s, lightly.

“我不知道。你知道吗？“Joseph饮了一口。他一直看着Robert。

“I donno. Do you know?” Joseph took a sip. He stared at Robert for all the time.

Robert用目光回敬着Joseph，也喝了一大口。“我也不知道。“

And Robert returned Joseph with the same kind of sight. He swallowed a swig. “I donno, either.”

酒精让目光变得绵长。Robert觉得Joseph眼里有一片湖，而他在那片湖中下潜，随着深度的增加，湖水的颜色变得越来越暗。他想起了刚刚溺水时的情景。这让他打了个哆嗦，同时回过神来。Joseph笑了。他似乎一直在笑。Robert有些后悔当初没有多看两眼被抢劫的Joseph是什么样的表情。

The alcohol made the vision become lingering. Robert could see a lake in Joseph’s eyes, where he was diving in. The deeper he dived, the color of the water around his became darker. Robert still couldn’t get rid of the view when he was drowning. He shivered, and pull his mind back. Joseph smiled. He was always smiling. Robert thought he should watch Joseph’s face while he was getting robbery. He was curious what kind of look Joseph would have.

他们沉默着喝完自己的酒。然后他们一起走回家。这是当然的，他们是邻居。

Then they finished their own drink, in silence. Then they walked home together. Of course, they’re neighbors.

“晚安，Robert。“”晚安。“

“Good night, Robert.”

“Night.”

除此之外他们没有再多说话。然后他们各自开门回家。一进门Robert就贴着门坐在地上。他的脸热得要命。他还感觉呼吸困难。他想把头埋在膝盖里，但一低头看到的那片天蓝色让他感觉更糟糕了。他忘了把衣服还给Joseph，天杀狗娘养的，他居然忘了！柔软的衣料紧贴着他的肌肤，舒服地就像他们之间好不尴尬的沉默一样。天呐，他喜欢跟Joseph在一起的感觉！意识到这一点后Robert抱着自己的胳膊。他咬着下嘴唇，控制大脑不去想这件事，但身上的针织衫却在时刻提醒着他。

Then they didn’t say anything more, and headed to their own homes. Robert slid down along the door once he shut it. His face was burning. He couldn’t catch his breath. He wanted to bury his head between his legs, but when he did that, he could see that touch of sky blue, which made him feel even worse. He forgot to return this clothes to Joseph. _Son of carp._ He forgot! That piece of cloth was soft and cling to his body; it was too comfortable, just like the silence between them while they were walking. _I’m not hating that! With Joseph!_ Robert held his arms tightly. He chewed his under lip and forced himself to not think about that. However, he just couldn’t. That knitwear reminded him for every seconds.

一个已婚男人，而那个男人还是个神父。Robert绝望地想。

 _A married guy. And he is a priest._ Robert thought hopelessly.

他脱下所有的衣服钻进浴室。Robert站在热水中，不受控制地向下伸去。他仍然感觉那件衣服包裹着他。那是片柔软的天蓝色。柔软，就像Joseph的手心，又炽热。Robert的头发湿漉漉地垂下。他不知道自己弄了多久，射了多少次。除了在浴室，他还在他的床垫上弄了几次。有时候他甚至产生了Joseph就在自己身后的错觉。他健壮的大腿挨着自己，他厚实的胸肌贴在自己的后背。他的手按在自己的手上。该死的，他又忘记把床装好了。可他的脑袋昏沉沉的——也许，也许是他太久没做过爱了——似乎全世界都是一片淡蓝色。他在那片蓝色中沉沉睡去。

He got all his clothes off then went to the bathroom. He stood under the hot water. His hand reached down without his awareness. He still felt that piece of softness covered his body, a gentle, soft blue; soft and warm as Joseph’s palm. The hair was flushed down to Robert’s face. He masturbated for a long time, and he came a lot of times. He did that several times while he finally got out of the bathroom and laid on his mattress. Sometimes he could even feel that Joseph was over his shoulder; his thighs was next Robert’s, his chest was rubbing against Robert’s back, his hand helped Robert’s. _Fuck_. He forgot to put those parts of bed together again. His mind befuddled more and more—maybe, maybe it’s been a while for him to have any sex with anyone—the whole world turned to a gazed sky blue. And he slept in there.

Robert没有去Joseph的烧烤派对。他自从那晚之后就再也没出过门。跟公司打电话请了两周长假后他就把自己锁在屋里，每天叫外卖披萨过活。对着自己的性幻想对象吃烤肉，天知道他会不会把芥末酱一个不留神洒在自己裤子上。现在不是见Joseph的好时机。而且永远不会有那样的好时机。他是个神父，是个丈夫，是三个孩子的爸爸，可能在过一段时间就要迎接第四个。这绝对不是个好主意，Robert，他这样对自己说，然后又拿起手机准备叫今天的第二份外卖。窗外传来烤肉的香味跟小孩子们的打闹声。Robert四处寻找外卖单，终于在床底下发现了它，还顺带发现了那件蓝衣服。Joseph一直没有来要过。Robert拍拍上面的土，但还是觉得按照衣服标签上的指示清洗一下再送回去。至于怎么送，Robert觉得快递公司上门服务会是个好选择，但可以预见送货员会认为付钱给住在邻屋的人送东西是世界上最愚蠢的事。但Robert不在乎，他不能，也不敢见Joseph，谁知道他会控制不住自己说些什么。

Robert didn’t go to that BBQ party. He, actually hadn’t stepped out of his house since that night. He already asked a couple of week off for his work; he needed a long vocation. Then he locked himself in his room, calling pizza delivery for meals. If he went to that party, having steak with his sexual fantasy, he would probably spill the mustard on his own pants. It’s not the perfect timing, and there would be one. He was a youth priest, a husband with three kids (which would turn into four later). This was absolutely a bad idea, Robert told himself so, then ordered his second pizza today. The smiles of different kinds of barbecue sauces crashed in Robert’s home wildly, with screaming and laughing and noises of children. Robert tried to find the menu of the pizza house, and found it under his bed, with Joseph’s blue knitwear. Joseph never came to ask it back. Robert patted it to remove the dirt, but he thought it’s gonna be better to wash it before sending it back to Joseph. About how he’s gonna send it, calling the express company seemed like a nice one. Maybe the delivery guy would think he was the most stupid guy in the world who asked the delivery service to the person who lived right next to him, and the package would be only a thin coat. However, Robert gave a shit about it. He couldn’t, and won’t dare to meet Joseph. Who knew what he was going to say when he really see Joseph’s face. 

洗衣机轰隆隆响了一会儿，Robert觉得不太对劲：他想起来标签上说不可烘干！于是Robert急忙将衣服掏出来，但已经晚了，那件成年人的衣服缩到了小孩子的尺码。Robert将衣服在自己身上比了一下。然后叹了口气：他只能登门道歉，顺便问问赔偿的问题。但他觉得Joseph一定会说“别担心那件衣服”。

The machine roared a while. Then Robert felt there were some wrong about it: there was a label said DO NOT TUMBLE DRY on it! He got that clothes out immediately, but it’s too late: the clothes already shrank into a teen size. Robert used his body to measure that clothes, sighed; he had to go to Joseph’s home in person to say sorry, and asked how much he should pay Joseph. But he thought Joseph would say something like “don’t worry about that.”

“别担心那件衣服，”Joseph看着站在自家门口一脸拘措的Robert，拍了拍他的肩膀，“瞧，它还能变成这样。”Joseph说着，接过已经缩水的针织衫，将它围在自己肩上，用两条袖子打了个简单的扣。“看吧，我还是那个酷神父。”Joseph摊开双手，他的笑容阳光而灿烂。

“Don’t worry about that,” Joseph saw Robert standing in front of him with an uneasy looking on his face, he tapped on Robert’s shoulder, “Look, it can also turn like this.” While saying, Joseph took over the shrunk clothes from Robert’s hands, made it around his neck, and tied those two sleeves with one easy knot. “See? Still the cool youth priest.” Joseph showed his hands, smiled big and shiny.

“我会补偿你的。我保证，”Robert抱着胳膊，低着头，“我要走了。”他没有听到Joseph的回应扭头就想走，但是听到一个稚嫩的声音：“你是谁？”Robert回头看，一个小女孩拉着Joseph的手，怯生生地问他。这孩子是打哪儿冒出来的？Robert疑惑地想，但他蹲下，试着做了一个微笑的表情，但女孩的反应说明那并不成功。“我叫Robert。我是……”Robert正想说“邻居”，Joseph插进来说：“朋友。Christian。Robert是爸爸的朋友。我们现在是邻居了。”Christian听了Joseph的话，表情看起来缓和了许多。她对Robert说：“你是来救我们的骑士吗？”Robert问她：“你有麻烦了吗，小公主？”她接着说：“救救我们。蜘蛛魔王要吃掉我们所有人。”好吧，这大概是什么孩子的角色扮演游戏。Robert做了一个夸张的预备动作，对Christian说：“不用担心。如果那个蜘蛛笨蛋魔王要吃掉你的话就来找我，我会把他那八条颤巍巍的腿全部打断。”Christian的脸上终于洋溢出笑容。她扑在Robert的怀里，不停地说着谢谢。Christian就像Val当年一样小，但她将来一定会成为能让她爸爸骄傲的大女孩，就像她的Val一样。

“I will make up this to you. I promise.” Robert held and squeezed his arms, lowed his head. He didn’t wait for Joseph’s replying and tried to leave. But he was pulled by a soft and immature voice: “Who are you?” Robert turned and saw a little girl who was holding Joseph’s hand and asking Robert with kid’s fear. _Where did she come from?_ He kneed one of his knee to her, tried to make a friendly smile like her dad. He just could tell they were father and daughter, expect the girl’s eyes always half-opened, like she was tired or mocking at something. The smile didn’t work really well, the girl hid herself behind Joseph’s legs. “I, uh, I’m Robert. I’m your father’s…” He was going to say “neighbor”, but Joseph quickly cut in: “Friend. Christian. Robert is daddy’s friend. And now we are neighbors.” Christian looked calmer after listening to Joseph. She said: “Are you the knight who will save us all?” “Are you in some kinda trouble, young lady?” Robert asked her, and she replied: “Save us! The Spider King will eat all of us!” _Well, this probably some character playing game of kids._ Robert decided to coordinate her improvisational exhibition. He did some exaggerated movements and said to Christian: “No worry my lady, I will break all eight of those tingling legs of that spider if it would ever try to harm you, lady. Your knight Robert Small, as your service.” Christian finally smiled. She hid in Joseph’s arms and kept saying _Thank you_ to Robert. Christian now was just as small as his Val in the older time. But soon or later she would grow up and turn into a beautiful and strong woman to make her dad be proud. Like how Val made Robert be proud of her, in so many ways.

Robert摸摸Christian的小脑袋，站起来，朝Christiansen父女挥了挥手。就在他准备离开的时候，他的余光瞥到了Joseph家房子的二楼：有人在看着他。但还没等Robert看清一点，那里的人影就消失了。走在路上时，Robert越想越觉得那个人影像Mary。她怎么了？那天在他家也是突然离开。Joseph有个神秘的老婆，Robert想，不过这也不是什么坏事。

Robert rubbed Christian’s little head, stood up and waved to Christiansens. Just before he left, he saw something on the second floor of Joseph’s house, in the corner of his eyes; it felt like someone was looking at him. But before Robert’s vision caught to it, the shadow disappeared. The shadow looked like Mary. _What’s wrong with her? She left his house suddenly before they were gonna have couple of drink that day._ Robert thought that. _Well, Joseph has an uncanny wife._ However this didn’t mean anything to Robert. _It’s not that bad._

又过了一周。Joseph没有联系过他，他也没有在小镇的其他地方见过他。Robert开着车随意地在社区周围闲晃。一些站在街角的男人女人们冲他招手，有的趁着红灯的空档将自己的联系方式塞在车子的雨刷上。Robert没有理会他们，而是径直开走。他到底想要什么？把自己喝得烂醉然后来一次畅快淋漓的性爱？也许吧，但又差了那么点。他喜欢酒，喜欢做爱，但这些似乎又不是他想要的。街灯在前视窗上洒下一团团光斑，从圆形变成一个椭圆，再摊开，向上流动直到消失在视野中，然后又是下一个圆。电台DJ懒洋洋地跟电话里一个哭得撕心裂肺的女人聊天，他一直在要求女人重复她说过的话，可能是因为她太过浓重的墨西哥口音。女人诉说了她丈夫喜新厌旧的家庭悲剧。Robert打了个哈欠。然后他看到一个人走在街旁的Mary。他立刻靠边停车然后追了上去。孕妇可不能独自在这样的街区乱走。

Another week passed. Joseph didn’t come to Robert at all, and Robert didn’t see him anywhere in Cul-de-sac. Robert was driving his car, wondering in random avenues in this down during night. No special goal, just drove. Women and men in the corner waved at him, some of them stuck their cards between the window while Robert’s waiting for the light. Robert didn’t give any interest to them. He drove right away. What did he want? Getting drunk as a piece of shit then fuck someone’s brain out of them? Maybe, but not exactly. He liked alcohol and sex, but these weren’t what he was looking for. Those street lights created light circles on his front window, kept moving and passing by, changing their shapes from a round circle to an olive, then spread as an omelet’s shell and scattered and disappeared in his view. Then over and over. The DJ in the radio spook with a woman in a tough Mexican accent, tiredly, liked he could fall asleep in the next second. The woman was hard to understand. She cried a lot, which made her words be less impossible to be caught. It sounded like her husband cheated on her. A common family tragedy. Robert yelled.  Then he saw Mary who was walking in the side street by herself. He pulled his car right away. This was not a place for a pregnant woman to walk alone during the night.

“Mary。”Robert叫了她一声，但她似乎没有听到。于是Robert拍了拍她的肩膀，这让她活像见了鬼一样。

“Hey! Mary!” Robert yelled. She didn’t notice him. So Robert patted on her shoulder, which sacred her like something sticky touched her.

“操蛋！混账！去你妈的！哦，是你。你吓坏我了。”Mary像一只被黄瓜吓到的猫，Robert看到她几乎跳了起来。

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh, it’s, it’s you. You frightened me.” Mary liked those cats who were scared by the cucumbers that suddenly showed on their back. Robert could tell that she even jumped up like one of them.

“我很抱歉，Mary。你怎么一个人在这里？”Robert将手放在Mary的胳膊上安抚她。这个举动很成功，Mary瞪大的眼睛又回到了那个不知道在嘲笑什么的状态。

“I’m so, so sorry, Mary. Why you are here by yourself?” Robert covered his hands on Mary’s arms to comfort her. This was successful; Mary’s eyes no longer opened wildly anymore, but returned to her normal looking—the mocking one.

“只是走走，呼吸一下新鲜空气。漫漫长夜，对吧？”Mary的语气听起来有些嘲讽，但不知道嘲讽的是Robert、她自己、还是二者皆有。

“Just walking, get some fresh air. The night is too long, huh?” Mary’s tone was a little bit ironic. To Robert, to herself, maybe both.

“长夜很冷。来吧，我送你回家。”Robert将自己的夹克脱下来披在Mary身上。

“And the night is cold. Come, I drive you home.” Robert put his jacket on Mary.

“你可真绅士。”

“What a gentleman.”

Robert驱车前往Mary的家。他们聊了一些话题，关于酒还有雪茄的产地。Robert试着提了一下孩子的事情，但Mary立刻岔开了话题。Robert继续就这之前烟草的问题发表看法。然后两人无话。直到Mary下车的时候递给Robert一张名片，上面是一个动物收容所的地址。“也许养个宠物会对你有帮助。”她说完这句话就离开了。夹克放在车座上。Robert看着Mary进了家门才离开。他感觉有不知名的视线盯着他，但在他四处寻找的时候那种被盯梢的感觉又忽然消失了。

Robert drove to Mary’s house. They chatted, about wine and cigars. Robert tried to bring the topic about children, but Mary turned the topic immediately. They continued the discussion about tobacco that they talked earlier. Then they were quiet. Mary gave Robert a card with the address and phone number of an animal shelter. “Keeping a pet might help.” She put Robert’s jacket on the seat and left. Robert left after he made sure that Mary did enter the house. He felt that he was watched, and the feeling gone when he started to search where the feeling came from.

又是一个星期六的晚上，Robert终于将自己的房子收拾好了。他倚在沙发上，两腿盘起。房间里没有开灯，无聊的电视剧将房间照得一亮一亮，让他的房子像深海一条游来游去的安康鱼一样，那水中的萤火虫。他的嘴被烧尽的烟蒂烫了一下，让他疯子一般地大骂着。鬼知道他叼着那根香烟叼了多久。他站起来拍了拍胸口的烟灰，然后使劲眨了眨那双干燥充血的眼睛。

Another Saturday night. Robert finally made his house settled. He leaned on the sofa, crossed his legs. The lights in the living room weren’t turned on, the room glowed by the boring tv show; the room like an anglerfish swam under the sea. An underwater firefly. His mouth was burned by an almost ending cigarette. He cried and cursed like he’s crazy. God damn knew how long he held that cigarette. He cleaned the ash on his chest, then blinked those dry, bloodshot eyes hardly.

有人在敲门。

Someone’s knocking the door.

Robert将门打开，然后立刻又关上了：操他妈的，门外站着的是Joseph！而他自己的身上只有一件背心和紧身内裤！Robert一边跌跌撞撞地换衣服，一边暗自祈祷Joseph没有看到他半勃的下身。那只有一瞬间，Joseph不可能看到的，Robert想着，然后用手胡乱地理了理头发，打开了门。

Robert opened the door, then closed it right away: _shit that was Joseph out there!_ And he was only in a tank a pants! Robert got some clothes on; he knocked on everywhere while he’s putting his jeans on. At the same time, he also prayed that Joseph didn’t saw his miserable lower erected part. _That was just one shot, he won’t notice._ Robert combed his hair casually and quick, then opened the door again.

Joseph看到他，脸上露出有些尴尬的笑容：“来的不是时候，对吗？”

Joseph smiled embarrassed: “Not a good timing. Got it.”

真操蛋。Robert有些懊恼，然后问道：“能为你做点什么吗？”

 _Fuck_. Robert was a little upset and shamed, then asked Joseph: “What do you want from me?”

“我来问问你愿不愿意跟我一起去兜风？去城外？”Joseph指着他身后的皮卡。Robert从没想到Joseph会开这么粗犷风格的车，但也许这是为了搬东西更方便——拜托，他们马上就是个六口之家了——Robert点点头，跟着Joseph上了车。

“Just ask if you want to catch some wind with me, out of Cul-de-sac?” Joseph pointed to the truck behind him. Robert didn’t expect Joseph would have a car in such a rough style; but maybe it’s for moving— _C’mon, they are gonna have a 6-member-family_ —Robert nodded, got into Joseph’s truck.

引擎的哄鸣声在沉默中显得格外明显。Robert将头靠在椅背上，用余光看着窗外流动的光景。城市之光渐渐被甩在身后，只有干道两旁的安全指示灯一直陪伴着他们。Robert看着Joseph挂在后视镜上的装饰品，那看起来应该是小朋友的手笔，一片被涂成绿色的圣诞树形状木板，在树梢的尖端处钻了小孔，上面用金色的丝线拴着一个个小铃铛，随着汽车的运动而不停地摆动着。Robert盯着那些铃铛，不一会儿就睡着了。

The engine’s noise was clear in silence. Robert backed his head to the seat back, the light and the views flowed in the corner of his eye. They left the light of civilization behind, and went further and further, until there were only the safe signs next to the highway to be their companies. There was a decoration hung on the rearview mirror in Joseph’s truck, probably made by a kid; that’s a piece of wood which was cured in the shape of Christmas tree and painted in green. It was drilled several holes on every tip point of the tree, and tied each hole with golden wire and a little bell. Those bells swagged with the truck, tingling. Robert watched those bells. Little by little, he fell asleep.

不知道过了多久，Robert被摇醒。看样子他们已经到了：Joseph正站在车外，打开了Robert这边的车门，他的手放在Robert的肩膀上。

Robert was woken up by Joseph; he stood outside and was shaking Robert’s arm. How long he slept? They might already arrive at somewhere.

“哦嘿，抱歉我睡着了。我们在哪儿？”Robert揉了揉眼睛，他感觉浑身疲惫。他从来没打过这么难受的盹。他环顾四周，发现他们现在正在某个不知名的山顶上。

“Oh hey, sorry about that. Where are we?” Robert rubbed his eyes. He felt so tried. That was the most horrible nap he ever had. He got outside of the truck and looked around; they were on the top of some hill.

“到这里来，Robert。”Joseph朝车尾走去。Robert跟着他：“如果你要把我打晕然后装在你的车厢里扔到海里，我没意见。”Joseph大笑起来，然后他掀开了盖在车厢上的黑布。

“Come here, Robert.” Joseph walked to the trail, and Robert followed him, said: “I’m oaky if you’re gonna knock me down and stick me in there and throw me into the sea.” Joseph laughed. Then he lift the dark colored cloth that covered the trail.

那是野餐，成人版的，确切地说，那都是酒，各种酒，到处都是。Robert拿起一瓶杜松子酒端详起来，然后他转向Joseph：“你打算走私？看来当神父不怎么赚钱。”Joseph从冰桶里取出一罐玛格丽特，叩开拉环喝了起来。Robert将罐子夺了过来，他闻到了里面的酒味。“出什么事了吗，Joseph？”Robert看着Joseph，远处的城市灯光映在那双蓝眼睛里，他看到的满是疲惫。“出什么事了？”Robert的语气加强了一些，将酒递回Joseph的手心里。

That’s a picnic, only for who above 21; there were wines, beers, alcohol, everywhere in the trail. Robert took and looked at one of those gins, and said to Joseph: “So you’re actually a smuggler? Well, being a priest is kinda tight huh?” Joseph picked a can of Margaret from the ice bucket. He clicked opened it and drank it. Robert got the can from him. He smelled alcohol in there. “What’s wrong with you, Joseph?” Robert looked at Joseph, he found not only the city light in his blue eyes, but also exhaustion. “What happened?” Robert asked again, but returned the Margaret back to Joseph.

“我只是，太累了。你知道的，我有三个孩子，马上就是四个了。但我突然感觉好累，感觉身体里所有的能量都被吸到一个无底洞里，而我对此无可奈何。我只是，我只是……”Joseph说不下去了，他靠在车尾，撇过头不去看Robert。

“I’m just…tried. Just tried, you know. I have three kids-four, it’s gonna be. But I felt so exhausted. It happened suddenly. Like I am drinking by some freaking damn black hole. The worst thing is, I can do nothing about it. I’m drying, Robert. I, I…” Joseph stopped. He leaned against the truck, and turned his head away to avoid Robert’s view.

Robert看着Joseph将酒一饮而尽后把铝罐捏扁，用力地丢向山下的公路。他觉得自己得说点什么。他回忆着妻子和女儿曾经照顾醉酒的自己的样子，僵硬地拍着Joseph的后背。“会没事的，都会没事的，Joseph，我在这儿，我在这里……”他喃喃地对Joseph说着。Joseph转过身来抱住了他。

Robert saw Joseph emptied that can and threw it hard to the road downhill. He felt he should say something. The memory of how his wife and daughter taking care of him whom got drunk so badly rushed into Robert’s mind. He manipulated the way of his daughter, patted on Joseph’s back inexpertly. “It’s gonna be okay. It’s all gonna be okay, Joseph. I’m here. I’m here for you…” He mumbled to Joseph. Joseph turned and hugged Robert.

他的身体比看上去要健壮得多，Robert揽着Joseph的腰，无意识地用手臂感受着那里的肌肉。

 _He is tougher than he looks._ Robert held Joseph’s waist, felt Joseph’s muscle with his forearms.

“我不知道该怎么办，Robert。我是个丈夫，父亲，上帝的仆人。但我有时候真的担心自己会四分五裂。你知道那种感受吗Robert，我真的很害怕。”Joseph松开Robert的身体，用手拼命地撕扯自己的头发。Robert立刻制止了他。他捏着Joseph的肩膀，希望让他放松一点：“相信我，我非常明白你的感受。”

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t. Robert. I’m a husband, a father, the servant of the Lord. I’m tearing apart. Do you know that feeling? Do you know? I’m scared.” Joseph loose Robert. He tore his hair harshly. Robert stopped him right away. He squeezed Joseph’s shoulder, hope that would help him to be more relax: “Trust me. I know that feeling well.”

Robert没有说谎。在妻子离开他的那一刻，他身体深处的某一部分似乎被什么人用尖刀硬生生地剥下来了，那里的伤口那么大，永远不会愈合，永远不会结痂，鲜血淋漓四溅。他用双手去堵，但他的手也被染成一片鲜红。于是他选择用酒精来得到救赎，但这是他犯的最大的错误：他因此失去了他的女儿。她也离开了他，但她还活着，而且活得比跟他在一起时要好得多，这是他唯一的慰籍。但他的另一部分再次被剜去了，而这次的行刑人却是他自己。所以他知道四分五裂的感受。因为他的一部分已经永远找不回来了。

Robert didn’t just say it. He did know that feeling. The moment his wife was gone, there was one part deep down his body was peeled alive. The wound was so big and so wild, that it would never get recover, there would never be scar, there would always be blood everywhere. He used his hands to block that gap, but his hands were dyed in scarlet. So he chose alcohol, to forgot; which was the biggest mistake he ever made—Val couldn’t take it anymore. She left him. The only comfort was that, Val was still alive out there, and she lived better. However, the other part of him was removed from him again, and the executor was Robert himself. So he knew the feeling of tearing apart.

他这样告诉Joseph。

And he told Joseph exactly the way.

Joseph没有看他，而是盯着自己的脚尖良久。半响，他开口说：“我很高兴你能告诉我。”Robert耸耸肩，露出了他搬来后的第一个微笑：“我也很高兴你愿意告诉我你的烦恼。”

Joseph stared at his own feet for a while. Then he finally said something: “I’m glad you told me that. I’m honored.” Robert shrugged. And he made the first slime since he moved to Cul-de-sac: “I’m honored, too.”

两人又喝了一些带酒精的玛格丽塔，然后驱车回家。Joseph的车开得摇摇晃晃的，但索性一路上没有太多车辆。两人平安地到达了目的地。

They had more real Margarita, then went home. Joseph’s truck drove in a snake route. It was lucky that there were not too many vehicles that time. They made home safely.

“你的车上一直装着这些东西吗？”Robert在进门前问Joseph。后者回答他说：“事实上，我本来打算今晚跟你一起逃走的。”

“Do you keep all those thing in your truck all the time?”

“Actually, I was thinking about running away, with you. Just you and me.”

Robert的脑子哄地响了起来：“你，本来打算去哪里？”

There seemed a bomb in Robert’s mind that blew Robert’s normal thoughts away: “Wh…Where you were planning to go?”

Joseph坐在驾驶座上，朝他挥了挥手：“也许我们已经去过那里了。我的玛格丽塔私人空间。“然后将车停在了自家的车库。

Joseph waved to Robert on the driving seat: “I think we are already been there. My Margarita Zone.” Then he drove to his garage and parked in there.

Joseph说的一起逃走的话一直在Robert脑中回响，让他彻夜无眠。他是在对自己暗示什么吗？他是在，调情吗？Robert使劲地摇着头，试图将这个想法甩出脑海。

Joseph’s words kept sounding in Robert’s mind. They took every space in there, which made him sleepless. _Did he, filtering with me?_ Robert shook his head to let those thoughts out of his brain.

之后不知道过了多久，Robert收到了一条短信，上面写着一个时间，一个地点，然后落款是Joseph。Robert不知道他是怎么搞到自己的电话号码的，但他没管那么多。

Then a lot of time birds flew by. Robert received a text massage, only three lines: time, location, and Joseph’s name. Robert didn’t know how he got his number, but he didn’t care anyway.

凌晨四点，船坞口，Robert在那片迷蒙的雾气中认出了Joseph的身影。他们互相点了一下头。然后Robert跟着Joseph上了一艘停靠在岸边的游艇。

4 am at the dock, Robert recognized Joseph’s figure though the misty. They nodded to each other. Then they got onto the yacht next to the dock.

当游艇一驶离海湾，他们就扭抱在一起，像一对即将渴死的鱼，从对方的口中夺取空气与唾液。Joseph的下巴上长出了青茬，Robert的手指在那里摩挲了一会儿后，转向伸进Joseph的衬衫下，然后顺着脊椎，在Joseph的腰间揉捏着。Joseph的亲吻很粗暴，他咬着Robert的嘴唇，然后是耳垂，然后是脖颈大动脉那里的皮肤，他用他那尖尖的虎牙将那里叼起来，Robert甚至有一种要被撕开的错觉。但他喜欢这样，于是他更加粗暴地对待Joseph的身体。他隔着衣服撕咬着Joseph的乳头，想象着Joseph的乳头有着跟他嘴唇一样暗红的颜色，而自己的动作会让那里变得肿胀，成为滴着血一样的鲜红色。Joseph的手指穿过他的头发，然后死死地抓住。他的喉咙里发出哽咽一般的声音。

They clinched once the yacht drove away the dock, like one pair of fish who were going to dry to death. They robbed and stole the other’s air and saliva in their mouths. Joseph got a little stubble on his chin. Robert’s fingers gently stroked there a little while, then he made them go into Joseph’s shirt, alone the spine and down and down, then rubbed Joseph’s waist. Joseph’s kiss was rough; he bit on Robert’s lip, then the earlobes, then the skin above Robert’s carotid artery. He bit there so hard and he worried with his sharp canine teeth. Robert thought he was going to be tore into pieces. He loved that. So he treated Joseph’s body harder. He bit Joseph’s nipples thought the clothes, and imagined they were in the same color as Joseph’s lips, but his moves would turn them into red as rose buds like they were going to drip blood. Joseph’s fingers went through Robert’s hair, then firmly grasped there. Joseph sounded like he’s sobbing.

“你想停下来吗？”Robert将头埋在Joseph的胸前，像对着圣子像祈求宽恕的信徒，喃喃问道。

“You wanna stop?” Robert mumbled in Joseph’s chest, like a confessor who’s facing the Father’s statue.

“你怎么敢停下。”声音自Robert头顶传来，没了平日的爽朗，多了克制住的情欲。

“How, Dare, You.” Joseph’s voice came from above, not like usual, but with passions.

Robert顺着Joseph的身体一直来到他的小腹。他拉开Joseph的裤子拉链，亲吻着那根已经半勃的阴茎，尽他所能来讨好他。Joseph呻吟的声音就是他的指令。Joseph很快就射了第一次。然后他们接吻，互相推搡着来到船内舱室的大床前。Joseph在路上扒光了他，而现在他正骑着Robert，卖力地用他的后穴取悦着Robert跟他自己。Robert忍耐着射精的欲望，同样卖力地干着Joseph。

Robert’s mouth went along Joseph’s body and stopped at his underbelly. He zipped Joseph’s pants, and kissed that dick, tried his best to please it; Joseph commended Robert with his groans. Joseph came the first time, quick. Then they kissed, hugged and pushed each other to the bad room. Joseph removed all Robert’s clothes while they were kissing and walking. Now he’s riding on Robert’s penis, using his back hole and trying so hard to make both of them feel satisfied. Robert held his desire of culming back. He fucked Joseph as hard as possible.

突然，Joseph伸出双手扼住了Robert的咽喉，并不断地加力。Robert不断地拍打着Joseph的胳膊，但下体不受控制地越动越快。当他射精的那一瞬间，Joseph松开了他。有水滴滴在Robert的脸上，但室内漆黑一片，Robert不能确定那是泪水还是汗水。

Unexpectedly, Joseph choked Robert’s neck with both of his hands, and he kept squeezing. Robert patted those arms, tried to get off them; his hip moved faster and faster. Joseph let him go at the moment that Robert culmed. A drop of water fell on Robert’s face. The room was too dark to tell whether that’s Joseph’s sweat or tear.

“Joseph，你还好吗？”Robert想去摸摸Joseph的脸，但被Joseph阻止了。他们又换了个姿势。Joseph依旧在上，但背对着Robert。“我很好，Robert，感觉妙极了。”Joseph的声音随着他动作的频率变得颤巍巍地，不知道他是在呻吟还是在哭泣。Robert被吸得头皮发麻。他说出了他对Joseph的感觉。

“Are you alright?” Robert wanted to touch Joseph’s face, and he was stopped. They changed to another position; Joseph’s still riding, expect turned his back to Robert. “I’m fine. This is splendid. Bravo.” Joseph’s voice trembled while he’s moving up and down, which was hard to tell whether he was moaning or crying. Robert’s blood froze by his moves.

He told Joseph how he felt about him.

Joseph的动作慢了下来。他回头去看，月光从舷窗穿过，照在他的下半边脸上。那张被吻得红润的嘴唇微微地张着，然后突然咧开来，就像Joseph平时笑的样子。月光逐渐上移，Robert看到Joseph的眼睛红红的，眼泪还挂在他的脸颊上，跟他此时的笑容完全不搭调，就好像刚刚哭泣的与现在笑着的是完全不同的人。Robert刚想询问，但Joseph突然继续的动作让他打消了这个念头。他捏着Joseph的腰，将那里变得青紫。

Joseph slowed down. He turned his head to Robert. The clear moonlight went through the porthole and brightened Joseph’s mouth; it was kissed to be cherry and watery, it slightly opened at the first time, then wildly smiled, like the way Joseph normally did. The moonlight went upper to let Robert see Joseph’s entirely face: his eyes were red and puffy, liked he just cried a lot; some tears were still on his cheek, which looked totally unmatched with his smile. It just like there was one person cried and another one smiled at the same time, but these two people shared one body. Robert wanted to ask about it, Joseph’s sudden big moves made Robert swallow his questions. He held Joseph’s waist and butt, left bruises on there.

漫漫长夜。

The night was long.

在道别时Robert想要吻Joseph，但他躲开了。两人无话。他们从不同的道路回家了。Robert在路上遇到了Mary。她正蹲在街角，不知道在看什么。Robert走过去，看到Mary面前有一个纸盒，里面有个黑白相间的毛东西在动来动去。他凑近去看，原来是一只斗牛梗狗崽子，正在跟Mary的手玩游戏玩得不亦乐乎。Mary听到脚步声回头看了一眼，打了个招呼。然后她站起来拍拍身上的衣服准备离开。

Robert was rejected by Joseph when he tried to kiss him goodbye. They said nothing, and went home on different ways. Robert met Mary on his way; she was in the street corner, staring at something. Robert walked to her and saw a pit bull puppy that in black and white was in a carton; the puppy was playing with Mary’s hand happily. Mary heard Robert’s steps and said hello. Then she left.

“嘿，这小东西要怎么办？”Robert叫住Mary。

“Hey what about this little thing?” Robert asked her.

“她是你的问题了，水手。有什么问题给之前给你的名片打电话，有时候是我，有时候是别人。”Mary说完就走了，背对着Robert挥了下手。Robert从兜里摸出那张卡片，重新看了一遍那家动物收容所的地址与电话号码。他低头去瞧那只小狗，发现她也正看着自己，那条小舌头傻乎乎地耷拉在外面。Robert被逗笑了。他端起那只箱子，回家上网搜索了如何饲养牛头梗后带着她去洗了个澡，附带购买了一大堆犬用物品。他有时带她去公园散步时会看到那个叫做Damine的年轻人被五六条狗绳缠得七荤八素，而Mary坐在一旁的秋千上夸张地笑着。他们会坐在一起，聊聊今天的天气，还有犬类粪便跟它们身体健康的关系。Damine的说话方式有些古怪，总让Robert想起他无意中在午夜剧场看过的汤顿庄园*，但他不因为这个而讨厌Damine，正相反，他很喜欢Damine，还有Mary。Robert感觉他们三个人就像三朵乌云，穿过了重重阳光终于重聚在一起。他们让话语如雨水倾盆而出。这总是愉快的。

“Well, she’s your problem now, sailor. Call the number on the card I gave you. I might pick it, or someone else.” Then she waved to Robert without turning her head, and she left. Robert found that business card in his pocket and read that address and the number again. Then he looked at the pup, and found that she was looking at him, too; her little silly tongue looked so funny that made Robert grinned. He picked the carton with the puppy and went home. After searching HOW TO RAISE A PIT BULL DOG online, he got the puppy a shower, then bought her a lot of puppy stuffs. Sometimes he would take her a walk in the park, and he sometimes saw the young man Damine who was struggled with five to six traction ropes, and Mary would laugh at him really hard while sitting on the swing that next to Damine. They would talk to each other, discussed about somethings, such like the weather, the dogs’ poop and how it would affect puppies’ health. The way Damine talked reminded Robert of a tv show he used to watch, _Upperton Alley_ *. But Damine didn’t make Robert be boring, in the opposite way, Robert really liked him, just liked he’s appreciation to Mary. They were three pieces of dark clouds upon the sky, and they traveled across the sunlight to meet each other. The words rained heavily from their minds. It’s always a pleasure.

但Mary……Robert与Joseph会在不同的地方幽会，有时在游艇上，有时在山顶上Joseph的车里，有时候在Robert的床上。他们搞在一起，性爱总有一股血腥味。Joseph喜欢玩束缚与窒息的把戏，Robert喜欢针锋相对的操干。Robert对待Joseph很温柔，而Joseph则十分暴力，总是不加润滑便在Robert的身体里横冲直撞。就像他们现在，在半夜两点半的森林深处，Joseph将Robert压在一颗不知名的树上，疯狂地挺动着下身。Robert的后穴已经疼得麻木了，他死死盯着身前的这颗树，适应了黑暗的眼睛盯着自己摩擦着树干的阴茎。树的木纹像一颗颗眼睛一样，Robert感觉自己仿佛置身于斗兽场，千千万万个观众正盯着自己被一头野兽用它那凶恶的性器钉在树上。

 _But Mary…_ Robert secretly met Joseph at different locations, sometimes the yacht, sometimes Joseph’s truck, sometimes Robert’s bed. They smashed together. The sex always smelled bloody. Joseph enjoyed those BDSM things very much, and Robert preferred fucking hard that tit for tat. Robert was gentle. Joseph was violent; like now, he pressed Robert upon a nameless tree, and fucked Robert’s anal crazily. Robert couldn’t feel his anal because of the pain, so he stared at the tree in front of him; his eyes were getting used to the darkness so he could tell that his penis was rubbing on the tree bark, where the eye-shaped designs stared back. The wood was like the colosseum; thousand pairs of eyes watched him fucked by a beast with its horrible stick.

“Joseph，”Robert控制着自己的声音，好不让过多的呻吟流出，“够了，够了……”他求饶着，伸手去够Joseph的脖子，想将他拉近自己然后亲吻他。但Joseph制止了他，然后用两手揪住了Robert的头发，像要把他的头皮一起撕下来一样。Robert的眼眶湿润了，他的喉咙像火烧一样，发出嘶嘶的声音。Joseph挺动了几下后将他的阴茎抽了出来，引来Robert身体一阵猛烈的震颤。他让Robert蹲下，除去了他的保险套，然后射在了Robert的脸上。

“Jo, Jose,” Robert tried his best to not moan when he talked, “Enough… please… I can’t take it anymore…” He begged. He wanted to kiss him. But Joseph refused him as usual. Joseph pulled Robert’s hair like he’s going to tear the skin off. Robert’s eyes were wet. His throat burned, hissing. Joseph moved for the last time and pulled his dick out; Robert’s body quivered a lot because of that. He let Robert squat, removed the condom, then calmed on Robert’s face.

两人在人工湖畔整理着自己。Robert跪在湖边，想掬一捧水清理一下，但他在湖水的倒影里看到了Mary的脸与自己的脸，像两种不同颜色黏土捏的一样糅杂在一起：有那么一瞬间Robert甚至无法分清倒影里的人到底是谁。然后他好像出现了幻觉：他看到了另一个倒影，一只蜘蛛，有着红色如烈火般的八只眼睛，正看着自己。Robert拍了拍自己的脸，才发现那是Joseph正看着自己的笑脸，远处的城市灯火在水波上反射出刺眼的光线。

They cleaned themselves by the side of that artificial lake. Robert kneed and scooped some water in his hands. He saw his face and Mary’s in the reflection. The two faces mixed together, like they were made by the clay. There was one moment that Robert’s couldn’t tell which part of face belong to him. It was like a vision: he saw another reflection, a spider, with eight fire-burning-red eyes which were looking at him. Robert slapped himself to let his mind be clearer: That’s just Joseph, grinning to him. The city light that waving on the lake was glaring.

他们交换了一个吻，然后照旧各自选择相反的道路回家了。虽然他们是紧挨着的邻居。

They finally kissed, the first and the last one tonight. Then like usual, they went back from different ways, even though they lived so closely.

然后又是两周过去了。Robert没有再见过Joseph。他去运动商店买了所有的露营用具，然后带着Betsy来到了郊外的山顶。太阳下山，篝火噼噼啪啪地响。Betsy正啃着Robert丢给她的牛肉干，头也不抬，小鼻子呼哧呼哧地喘着气。现在不比第一次上山，夜晚有些寒冷。Robert裹着毯子喝着伏特加，幻想自己是只阿拉斯加北极熊。Betsy团在他身边呼呼大睡。他也有些困了，就连酒洒了都没有注意到。他睡着了。也许只有十秒钟，也许更长，因为等他惊醒的时候篝火早已熄灭了。在这样的环境下没有火是很危险的事情，也许蜥蜴人会踩着它们的大脚从什么沼泽里钻出来然后吃掉他跟Betsy。Robert强打起精神生火，但那该死的打火机就是不好好工作。正在他不断尝试的时候，Betsy从她的小被窝里一跃而起，朝树丛深处跑去。

Two more weeks passed, Robert hadn’t seen Joseph since that night. He went to a camp shop and bought all he needed for camping. He took Betsy out of town. The sun declined, the campfire crackled sometimes. Betsy was biting the beef jerky that Robert handed to her. She was quite busy with that, not even left her head for a little while. Her little nose panted. Now the time couldn’t compare with the first time Joseph took him here, the night was a little chill. Robert drank his vodka with his blanket, and imagined he was a polar bear who lived in Alaska. Betsy slept next to him in a curling circle. He was tried, too; he didn’t even notice he spilt the vodka. He fell asleep. Maybe for only 10 seconds, but maybe longer than that, or Robert couldn’t explain the fire which he didn’t know that when it was extinguished. It was dangerous to expose yourself in such a situation without fire. Perhaps the Lizard Men would get out from the swamp with their large feet and would eat him and Betsy. Robert forced himself to be awake and tried to set the fire again, however the lighter just didn’t work anymore. He tried again and again, failed. While he was trying, Betsy suddenly jumped up and ran into the bush quickly.

“Betsy！回来！”Robert大声地命令着，但一点用都没有。Betsy立刻就没了踪影。他想去追，但一种莫名的恐惧突然笼罩了他。Robert掏出身上的手电筒，四周环绕着。他的心怦怦直跳，冷汗直流。他觉得他不是孤单一人，除了Betsy，好像还有什么东西在。

“Betsy! Come Back!” Robert cried, but the order was useless. Betsy was gone almost in a blink. He wanted to chase her, but an inexplicable fear caught him like a claw. Robert grabbed the flashlight, turned it on and searched the surround of him. His heart pumped, and sweated. He felt that he wasn’t alone. There were some things here, expect him and Betsy.

“Betsy，我们要走了！”Robert一边喊一边朝自己的车跑去。正当他摸出兜里的车钥匙时，远处的树丛发出了一阵响声。Robert用手电筒照去，确实有什么东西在那里，而那个体型绝对不是Betsy这样的狗崽子！Robert的手心发凉，他急忙用钥匙去开车门，但他颤抖的手死活不能将钥匙插进去。

“We Need To Go Betsy!” Robert shouted and ran to his car. A sound in the further bush while Robert was reaching his car key in his pocket. Robert then lighted there with his flashlight; there definitely were something there! And he could tell that wasn’t Betsy the pup with that size! Robert’s palm froze like holding the ice cubes. He wanted to open the door with the key, but the fucking damn key just won’t go into that damn fucking hole!

又一阵响声。有东西从树丛里走了出来。那看起来像个人型的东西，看到Robert后扔下了正拖在地上的一个沙袋样的东西，然后朝着Robert狂奔了过来！

Another sound! Something walked out of the bush. It looked like a man, and it dropped the thing that like a sand bag that it was pulling when he noticed Robert, and it rushed to Robert!

去他妈的！Robert的内心在狂啸。他终于打开了车门坐了进去，然后用他这辈子最快的速度发动引擎，一脚将油门踩了下去。车子呼啸着冲了出去，直面那个人型物体而去。车灯照在了那个东西的身上。Robert看清了：那不是个什么神秘生物，那是Joseph！他的脸被灯光照得惨白，上面还沾着血一样的东西！他的眼睛大睁着，咧开嘴对着Robert笑。Robert浑身起了鸡皮疙瘩，他的大脑一片空白！就在还有不到二十米的地方，Robert的余光感到身旁的副驾驶上多了个什么东西，他回头去看，惊恐地发现Christia正坐在那里，歪着脑袋看他。他的眼眶里没有眼白，漆黑一片。他面无表情地看着Robert。Robert感到膝上一重，Christian同样苍白的脸撞进他的眼里。他大吼大叫着猛打方向盘，这让他的车翻进了树丛。在翻滚中Robert的头撞到了什么地方，血迷进了他的眼睛，但他挣扎着从破碎的车窗爬了出去。在他昏过去的前一瞬，他似乎看到Joseph和那对双胞胎站在不远处。他看不清他们脸上的表情。

 _FUCK THAT SHIT!_ Robert’s mind was blown away. He finally got in his car and sat in there. Then he started the engine with the fastest speed in his life and stepped on the accelerator hardly. The car rushed out and to the human-shaped creature. The creature was lightened: that’s not cryptids! That’s Joseph! His face was dreadfully pale by the light. _Is that blood on his face?_ Joseph’s eyes opened extremely wild with his mouth, laughed! Robert was gooseflesh all over him. His mind was totally black out! When there was 30 feet between them, Robert felt something suddenly showed on the shotgun. He turned his head, he alarmedly found Christia, one of the twins was right there, sitting there, staring at him with her head titled to one side; his eyes were totally black, and he had no expression on his face at all. Then something fell on Robert’s lap. He turned his face back, the pale face of Christian just showed in front of him! He shouted and cried and yelled. He turned the wheel in the panic, which made the car rolled in the wood. Robert’s head got hit while in the rolling car, blood got into his eyes. He got out of the car by struggling from the broken front window. Before he passed out, Joseph seemed standing not far away from him, with the twins. He couldn’t what the looks on their face.

Robert猛地睁开眼睛，发现自己正趴在墓地看守人小屋的床上。他试着动了一下，但浑身上下传来的疼痛立刻打倒了他，其中最明显的疼痛来自右手，上面缠着的纱布下渗着血，透露出略微眼熟的图案。但现在没有时间考虑这个问题，Robert从床上挣扎着爬起来，打开小屋的门走了出去。他来过很多次墓地了，但今天的墓地对他来说显得格外陌生，身旁的墓碑上刻着各种各样的墓志铭：

Robert opened his eyes in all of a sudden. He found that he was bent over on the bed that in the grave watcher’s cabin. He tried to move but was beaten by the pain that came from all this body, especially the one from the right hand; there was white bandage where the blood exuded through and became a familiar design. But there no time for this. Robert climbed up, and went out the cabin. He’s been in cemetery for a lot of times, however today’s cemetery was quite strange to him. The words on the gravestones that he passed were:

“来吧。”

“Come.”

“到这里来。”

“Come here.”

“看着我的脸。”

“Look at me.”

“你想让我再用力点吗？”

“You want me harder?”

“闭嘴。”

“Shut the fuck up you”

“我再说一遍，你这狗娘养的……”

“I’m telling the one last time, you son of a bi…”

“把我的烟拿来，废物。”

“Give me my cigarette, loser.”

“看清楚我是谁。”

“See clear.”

“到这里来。”

“Come here.”

“就快了。”

“Almost.”

“好久不见，Robert，亲爱的。”这是Robert此刻面对的最后一块墓碑上刻的话语。Robert抬头去看，发现这是一块顶端被削得极尖的石块。它很高，上面似乎有什么东西，Robert后退了几步去看，终于看清了那个东西：那是一只乌鸦，但长着一张人脸，而那人不是别人，正是Robert的亡妻！她红色的眼睛盯着Robert，她身后的月亮立刻被诡异的红色染成一轮血月。Robert浑身颤抖，他抱着胳膊，无助地跪在地上，但他的眼睛无法离开那只乌鸦，朝他用凄厉的声音嘶吼着。

“Nice to see you again, my dear.” And this was the last tombstone. It was really tall, sharper when it reached higher. There was something on the tip, but it was too tall to see; Robert backed several steps. And he saw it: a raven, but with a human face! And not anyone’s face, but Robert’s dead wife’s! Her eyes were red, when she noticed Robert, the moon that behind her suddenly turned in a bloody one. Robert shivered. He grabbed his arms and kneed helplessly. But he just couldn’t turn his view away from the raven, which was screaming to him mournfully.

“带我走！”乌鸦不断地重复着。Robert感到恶心，他吐在了地上，辛辣的呕吐物从他的喉咙跟鼻孔喷泻而出。他习惯性地低下头，看到自己吐出来的居然是稀烂的血色肉块，依稀还能看出是个胎儿的形状，腹部还连着一根细细的脐带。胎儿的样子映在Robert的眼中，Robert看到她机械地对自己伸出手，嘴里叫着爸爸。

“Take Me!” The raven kept repeating the same line. Robert felt gross. He spat up what tasted pungent, the spew went out from both his mouth and nose. He lowered his head: the thing he spat out was a piece of mashy and bloody flesh, it still had a shape of a fetus, there was even a cord which connected him and the fetus’s belly. He saw the fetus raised her hands to him (Yes, he just knew it’s a she). The fetus called him _Dad._

“哇啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！”Robert崩溃地揪着自己的头发，然后捂住自己的耳朵，好让自己不再听到乌鸦跟胎儿的叫喊。他睁开眼，亡妻的脸已在自己面前。

“ARGHHHHHHHHHH!” Robert pulled his hair desperately. Then he covered his ears to not listen to either the raven or the fetus. It’s been a while, he opened his eyes: the face of his dead wife showed directly in his eyes!

“带我走！”

“TAKE ME!”

Robert被一记耳光打醒。这让他的脸颊刺刺地痛。他错愕地发现自己正身在一个昏暗宽阔的房间内，这里弥漫着水的湿气还有血的腥气。他甩甩头，看清了远处有一扇巨大的石门，而在自己与石门之间是一个圆形的石盘，上面躺着一个不断扭动尖叫的东西。Robert想凑近一些去看，却发现自己被绑在一张椅子上。于是他通过声音意识到，石盘上的不是别人，而是Mary！

A slap on Robert’s face. He woke up; his cheek was pricking. He was shocked to find he was in a big, dark room, where was heavy with dampness and the smell of blood. He shook this head and saw there was a large door-shaped design on the wall that was far away from him. A big mill-liked stone was in the middle of the wall and him, with a thing that twisting and screaming on there. Robert wanted to see clearer, but he couldn’t: he was tied on a chair. But he could tell that’s Mary by her voice!

“Mary？是你吗？回答我！你有没有受伤？”Robert咆哮着。但回应他的只有Mary痛苦的哭叫声。

“Mary? Are you there? Did you hurt?” He roared, and Mary replied him without nothing but her miserable crying.

一双手搭在了Robert的肩膀上。Robert知道那双手，他对它们的主人再熟悉不过了。

“Joseph？这他妈是什么恶心的玩笑吗？”

A pair of hands got on Robert’s shoulder. Robert knew their owner, they knew all of them so well.

“Is that you Joseph? Is this some kinda fucking joke?”

Joseph趴在Robert的肩上——他一直站在Robert的身后——在Robert耳边笑嘻嘻地说：“你瞧着吧，亲爱的，你将目睹一个奇迹的诞生。”他温热的呼吸让Robert浑身发冷。他努力地去看那个石盘，发现那里不仅只有Mary：石盘前点着白蜡烛，已经燃了一半、石盘边缘被血迹染红了，沿着血迹看去，那是摆放在石盘周边的肉块，不，不只是普通的肉块，那是被切割成块的人，Robert看清了离他最近的一堆大肠、Joseph的三个孩子正围在石盘旁，一脸兴奋地望着他们正痛苦挣扎的妈妈，他们的脸上跟衣服上也满是猩红。

Joseph might have stood behind him for a long time. He whispered with grinning: “Just watch, my dear. You’re honored to witness the born of a wonder.”  Joseph’s breath was not warm to Robert anymore, but frigid. He tried so hard to look at the stone stage, found there was not only Mary: there were white candles around the stage, lighting and drilling; the edge of the stage was wet and bloody, because of the flesh pieces that placed there, and not just normal flesh, but flesh of a human body— _That’s a pile of human gut!_ —The three kids of Joseph were around their mother, watched her struggled painfully with their innocent but happy faces. Their faces and clothes were covered by crimsons, too.

Robert的胃里剧烈地翻腾着，但他什么也吐不出来。他去看Mary，她穿着一身白裙，双手捂在她那隆起的肚子上。Robert的头疼了起来：他想不起来Mary什么时候到了分娩的时候，他在公园跟她、跟Damine聊天的时候，她……Robert的头要炸开了。他居然想不起来那时候Mary的样子！她那时候已经怀孕了吗？他又是什么时候开始养的Betsy？Betsy、露营、玛格丽塔、车祸、妻子、Val……不！不是这样的！

There was nothing else to spill out. Robert was repulsed by the sickness in his stomach. Mary was in a white dress, she pressed her big belly with her hands. Robert got a headache: when she’s ready to delivery? When he talked her and Damine in the park, she, she… _Fuck_. His mind was going to explode and he just couldn’t recall her appearance that time! WHEN SHE WAS PERGNENT? WHEN HE STARTED TO KEEP BETSY? Betsy, Betsy, the camp, Margarita, the accident, his wife, Val… _NO! IT WASN’T LIKE THAT!_

“你对我做了什么？你要把Mary怎么样？”Robert对着身后的Joseph大喊着，并尝试挣脱束缚。但他失败了。Joseph在他的肩膀上按摩着，嗔怪地说：“嘘，你会错过精彩时刻的。”

“What did you do to me? And Mary? Whata you gonna do to her?” Robert shouted to the back, and tried to lose the tie. He failed. Joseph squeezed gently on Robert’s shoulder, spook with a little blame to him: “Shhhh, you gonna miss the part.”

Robert去看Mary，之前他总是移开目光不去看她的原因是因为她的姿势：她的腿大大地敞开，她的阴户正对着Robert的方向。

Robert had to look back to Mary; he moved his sight so many times before was because that she opened her legs wildly, he could see her vagina.

缓缓地，一只小小的血手从Mary的阴户里伸出来，惹来Mary更加凄惨的嚎叫。一个血淋林的小人一点点从那里钻出来，它的头骨因为阴户的挤压而变得扁平。它一直爬，直到整个身体都暴露在了空气里。然后它哭了起来，连带这房间里的血腥味也变得更加浓郁。Mary的哭喊声渐渐弱了下去，不一会儿就没了声响。她的白裙下摆被染得通红，像Robert见到了那轮月亮一样。

Then, slowly, a tiny hand with blood and mucus climbed out from there. Mary cried louder and more shrilling. Then a blood-covered tiny thing moved out of Mary’s vagina little by little; its head was distorted when it first came out. It climbed, and climbed, until its whole body finally exposed in the air. The it cried, with the heavier blood smell in this room. Mary’s voice was lower and lower then stopped totally. The lower hem of her dress was in red, just liked the bloody moon Robert saw earlier.

Robert呆坐在原地，看着Joseph欣喜地走过去抱起那个诡异的婴儿，然后用三个孩子抬来的施洗盆里的水将婴儿洗干净。他剪短了脐带后就再也没理会Mary，任凭她倒在石盘上，下身血流不止。“救救她，求你们了。她是你的妻子，Joseph。”Robert挤出他全身仅剩了力气，哀求着Joseph。

Robert sat there, seemed lost any consciousness of him. He watched Joseph walked to that uncanny baby and held it with pleasure, then baptized the baby with the water that those three children brought. He ignored Mary after he cut the umbilical cord between she and the baby, left her on the stone stage, with blood rash out of her. “Help her, I’m begging you, please. She’s your wife.” Robert muttered to Joseph and the kids with his last energy. Begged.

“哦Robert，你知道的，我一直无法拒绝你求我。Mary会没事的。我发誓。”Joseph抱着哭泣的新生儿，对着Robert微笑着。他看起来像个圣徒，但他的脸颊上沾着剪脐带时溅上的一抹血。然后他对着那三个孩子说：“好了孩子们，剩下的都是你们的了。只是要小心不能把你们的妈妈也一起吃掉哦。”他的语气那么轻松，像个普通的爸爸让孩子们去吃冰淇淋一样。那些孩子们对着那些尸块啃咬起来，眼眶内满是漆黑。Christian抬起头看了一眼Robert，她的手里还捧着一块残肢，半边脸上都是血迹。她对Robert说：“你骗人。你根本不是骑士。你也只是蜘蛛网上的一只苍蝇。”Robert没有理她，只是呆呆地看着眼前发生的一切，脑中一片空白，只有一个念头。

“Aww, you know I can’t say no when you do this don’t ya? Mary will be fine, I promise.” Joseph smiled. He looked like a saint, only with a blob of blood on his face: he got that while he’s cutting the cord. Then he said to those three kids: “All right kiddo. Now help yourselves with anything left here. Just be careful to not try to eat your mom~” He said this so easily, like a normal dad called his children to have ice cream in the kitchen. Kids bit and swallowed those human flesh. Their eyes were filled with dark and blackness. Christian raised her head and looked at Robert—she was still holding a piece of relics, the blood drilled down along her chin—and she said to Robert: “You lied. You’re not a knight but also a fly on the web.” Robert watched all these motionlessly. Only one thought remained:

“我想回家。”

_I wanna go home._

Robert回过神来，他正坐在自己家的沙发上，手里握着半瓶威士忌，对着播放购物频道的电视。Betsy正躺在他脚下打着呼噜。他掏出手机看了一眼时间：晚上十一点四十五。有一条来自Joseph的新消息：“我度过了一段美好时光。”还有一条来自Mary的：“Kim&Jim’s见。在那之前照顾好自己。”

Robert same to his sense: he was sitting on his sofa, with half bottle of whisky in his hand, facing to the selling channel on the TV. Betsy snored next to his feet. He checked the time on his phone: 11:45 pm. And there were two new massages; one came from Joseph: “What a great time.” Another one was from Mary:

“See you at Kim & Jim’s. Take care before that.”

Robert将手机扔到一边。他感到烦躁，但这烦躁不知来自何方。他走到阳台上，点燃了一支烟，静静地抽完。他看到周围的房子都亮着灯，像漂浮在大海上的一叶叶小船，在波浪中瑟瑟发抖。他将烟蒂扔在脚下踩灭。他似乎做了一个噩梦，但他想不起来是关于什么的，只知道那个梦很长很长。他去洗澡，却发现自己的左手上不知什么时候多了一个刺青。

Robert tossed the phone on the sofa. He was agitated by nothing. He walked to the balcony and lightened a cigarette. He finished that quietly. Each house was lightened in this neighborhood, liked they were all boats on the ocean, floating and trembling in the waves. He stepped the remain of the cigarette: it seemed like he had a nightmare which he couldn’t retell any detail about that. He just knew it’s really, really long. He went to get a shower, but he found he got a tattoo on his left hand. He didn’t remember when he got that tattoo.

也许那不是梦？

Is that a dream? Or not?

Joseph正在家中看着自己腹部的伤口。他笑着摇头，他居然忘记了检查Robert的口袋，然后给了他可趁之机。他站在镜子前，在倒影里看着自己后腰上的，与Robert一模一样的纹身，突然大哭，然后他抽了自己一巴掌，又开始大笑。

Joseph was checking the wound on his belly. He laughed and shook his head: he forgot to check Robert’s pocket, where was a knife and he gave him a fightback. He stood in front of the mirror; there was a same tattoo as Robert’s on his waist. The reflection suddenly started to cry. He slapped himself in the face, then the reflection laughed again.

“我很痛！快滚出我的身体！”镜中的Joseph说。Joseph一拳将镜子打碎，然后舔了舔手上的伤口。掉落在地面的每一片碎片都映出Joseph，他那双蔚蓝的眼睛在某一个瞬间变得鲜红无比。

“This is damn hurt! Get outta my fucking body!” The reflection then shouted to him. Joseph smashed the mirror with his fist, then licked the wounds on his hand. Each parts of the mirror had Joseph’s reflection. His eyes turned into red in one moment, then the imagin gone liked it never showed before.

完

The End.

 

 


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